Female sexuality seems to be shrouded in mystery, and not just for men, but for women themselves. And this ignorance can make sex and sexual pleasure really frustrating for women.
In fact, most women struggle to get an orgasm, let alone figure out how to make it better.
If that’s how your sex life is looking right about now, you’ll want to keep reading. We’ve got 15 tips to help you get better orgasms.
1. Boost your oxytocin
This study found that the more of this “love hormone”, oxytocin you have, the easier it will be to climax. And one very easy way to raise oxytocin is to hug, cuddle and kiss.
Or even more importantly, oxytocin goes up when a woman feels connected and that she’s valued and loved.
2. Do kegels
To have better orgasms, focus on strengthening the muscle of your pelvic floor. Your sex life will absolutely thank you. That’s because the pelvic floor muscle “sends measurable electronically signals when repeatedly contracted,” according to author of The Sexology of the Vaginal Orgasm, Karl F. Stifter.
And the swiftest, surest way to tone these muscles is to practice Kegel exercises. Extra bonus: you can do these anywhere and anytime.
3. More foreplay
Your partner might not need as much foreplay to get excited, but that might not be the case for you. That’s totally fine, and you’re not alone.
Before going for a run, you need to warm up, and it’s the same idea when it comes to sex. Research shows that women have a better chance of orgasm by stimulating themselves or by receiving oral sex.
Even though we know exercise is good for us, all those health benefits don’t really entice us to hit the gym and work up a sweat.
But if you know that exercise can increase libido, stimulate circulation to the genitals and help you climax, maybe your fitness routine doesn’t look so bad?
5. Try a solo session
Your partner may or may not know how to stimulate and excite you, but the one person who can know your pleasure points is you.
And if you practice climaxing alone, it can make it much easier for you to communicate what you need and like to your partner, leading to better and more frequent orgasms. Sex machines are especially good for this purpose, helping you to learn more about your body and orgasms.
6. Get warmed up
We’re not just talking about figurative heat here.
In fact, it’s important for your body to feel warm before you start your love making session. That’s because the warmer you are, the better the circulation will be around your vagina, which can increase sensitivity and lubrication, according to Pleasure author, Hilda Hutchinson.
7. Avoid instant gratification
When you are about to climax – let’s say, when you’re 90 percent there – the best thing to do is wait. That might sound like a terrible idea and just the opposite of what you want to feel.
But by pausing, slowing down and then getting excited all over again, you can make your final orgasm seriously mind-blowing.
8. Breathe deep
It’s easy to forget to breath mindfully and fully in our daily lives, and that carries over into our sex lives, too. But breathing deep during sex isn’t just a romantic concept. It can positively influence your physiology.
When you take full, deep breaths, you provide oxygen to your body, and this helps to increase the production of “endorphins and hormones released during orgasm.”
It also helps to improve circulation around your genitals, which in turn increases your sensitivity down there.
9. Pay attention to the C-spot
Intercourse alone doesn’t get always get women revved up and aroused.
In fact, clitoral contact is key if you want to orgasm. Sex positions like cowgirl, reverse cowgirl and missionary can put pressure on your C-Spot to help you climax. Otherwise, look for positions that leave you or your partner’s hands free to stimulate and finger play.
Nothing’s worse than trying to stimulate and feel aroused when you’re too dry. These can lead to painful rubbing, penetration and general discomfort.
So, don’t be afraid to use lubrication for greater ease and relaxation. Ella Paradis carries a great selection of lubrications, including even caramel or apple tastes.
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11. Switch things up
Like anything else, your brain gets used to doing the same thing over and over again, and it can lose interest in what was once exciting and exhilarating. Routine sex can kill your chance of a better orgasm. So, don’t be afraid to switch things up.
This could mean trying a new position with your parter, having sex in a new room, using a sex toy, or even stimulating yourself during sex. The important thing is, don’t let your sex life become stagnant. After all, what’s exciting about that?
12. Don't stop at one orgasm
You might think that after you climax, you’re done. But that’s where you’re wrong.
In fact, it’s physiologically possible for women to experience multiple orgasms. The trick is to go for your second orgasm shortly after your first one – no more than a minute – by using the same technique as before.
This can be touching, intercourse, sex toys, etc.
13. Try an aphrodisiac
Warm a cup of milk – your choice of dairy, almond, coconut, or any other plant-based alternative – and add just a bit of saffron or vanilla. These two additions have been used as aphrodisiacs for millennia. So, why not give it a try before getting frisky.
14. Good vibes
According to a survey, which interviewed over 1,500 women, it was found that when a woman used a vibrator when she was by herself, it was easier for her to orgasm when she had sex with her partner.
15. Have sex when you darn well please
Women are often expected to always say “Yes”, and to have sex when they’re not fully ready or in the mood. And it’s no wonder that women struggle to orgasm. So, embrace a lot of self-respect and self-love and have sex when you are ready.
This can mean taking time for yourself leading up to the love making, to relieve your own stress, tension or worry. This is anything but selfish and can really set you up for orgasm success.