It’s easy to fall for someone, but it’s much harder to admit that he’s bad for you. That’s because emotions can run high and it’s hard to imagine letting go and being single.
But the truth is, some relationships just aren’t meant to be, and if you know he’s bad for you, it’s time to move on. And if you need help doing that, keep reading for these eight super important tips.
Ask yourself what your standards are
If you know he’s bad for you, you’re probably making exceptions to your rules and boundaries. That’s because you want to make it work. So, you let certain things slide to fit him into your life. But now’s the time to ask what your standards are, or were, for that matter.
If lowering your standards is causing you pain, anxiety, and unhappiness, imagine how good it will feel to have both your standards back and your happiness, too.
The only way to know if you’re lowering your standards is to have a brutally honest conversation with yourself, and maybe with a close and trusted friend. That way, you can sort through your thoughts and emotions and gain an objective perspective – a viewpoint that is necessary for you to see things as they are.
Remind yourself that you’re whole and complete on your own
One reason why it’s hard to break up with someone, even if he’s bad for you, is because you have a deep-seated belief that you’re not good enough on your own. You think that you need your “other half” to complete you.
But this simply isn’t true. Who you are is good, and more than good enough, with or without another guy. It might be a difficult concept to believe at first, but the more you remind yourself of this, the easier it is to quit a guy who’s bad for you.
Maybe the timing just isn’t right
For any relationship to work out, you both have to be in the right place at the right time. And sometimes, even if the chemistry is great, and your relationship might look good on paper, some things just don’t add up.
It’s hard to admit this, but it might be easier to let him go if you accept that even if it doesn’t work out now, it might work out in the future.
Identify the truth about your relationship, and not just your own narrative
If your relationship creates a lot of negative emotions and experiences for you, it’s hard to admit that it’s the relationship that’s the problem. So, it’s easy to come up with your own inner story about why this pain is necessary and inevitable.
But all of these made-up stories actually make it harder to quit a guy who’s bad for you. So, as scary as it might seem, don’t be afraid to come face to face with your gut instinct, and with what your heart is really telling you.
In short, what is the truth about your relationship, and how is it different from your inner story?
Acknowledge that your needs are important and should be met
What you need in life isn’t flippant and silly. Your needs are super important. When you meet them, you thrive, succeed and feel alive. When you deny them, you live small and start to shrink.
So, you first have to believe that you have your own unique needs. Then, you have to believe that no one – not you or your boyfriend – should dismiss them or censor them.
It’s no way to live.
But so often, if you’re with a guy who’s bad for you, you’ll start to dismiss your needs as unimportant because you’d rather keep your relationship going.
So, you first have to believe that you have your own unique needs. Then, you have to believe that no one – not you or your boyfriend – should dismiss them or censor them.
What you need is important, and it might be painful to move on from a relationship that can’t fulfill them. But moving away is also how you make room for a truly fulfilling relationship.
It’s okay to ask for help
Even if you know a guy’s bad for you, it’s still not easy to quit him. And even if you know you need to leave him, your mind can play tricks and your emotions can get in the way. So, don’t be afraid to get help.
This can be your trusted friends or family members. Or, it can also be professional help, like therapists, coaches, and mentors.
This kind of objective help is often exactly what you need to keep your resolve strong. Outside support can also help you believe that you deserve better and that you can find better, too.
Cut off communication
If you’re trying to separate from someone, one of the worst things you can do is keep ties with him. Not only does that keep you emotionally vulnerable to more pain and disappointment, but it also creates fuzzy boundaries.
Now’s not the time for fuzzy boundaries though. Now’s the time to draw clear boundaries out of self-love and self-respect.
And if you find it hard to quit him, and you’re lacking in self-discipline, try to do some very simple, pragmatic things.
You can delete his number from your phone. You can also un-follow and un-friend him on your social media accounts. This will give you the much-needed space necessary to get over him.
If he keeps contacting you even after you’ve asked him not to, consider blocking him. It sounds harsh and extreme, but now’s the time to focus on you and what you need.
Identify all the cons in your relationship
One thing we’re all very good at is fantasizing about lost love. We create a fictional story that never happened and we desire that false story. But getting over heartbreak can be a lot easier if you simply admit that it wasn’t all that great in the first place.
One way to do that is to diligently list all the cons in the relationship. It might be difficult to think of them at first, but once you get on a roll, you’ll see that “Hey, wait a minute – he wasn’t that great after all.”
It’s not that you want to trash someone or hate someone. It’s that you need to see them for who they are, and who they actually were to you.
When you’re emotionally attached and dependent on someone – even when you know he’s bad for you – it can be really challenging to quit him. But these eight tips can help you stand strong and believe in yourself.
