Is It Wrong Not to Want Children at All?


We live in a modern society, where women enjoy many social advancements, but there’s still a lot of pressure on women to fit into stereotypical molds.

For one thing, women are told that they should be mothers. And if they don’t want children, they can face a lot of hateful negativity.

So, is there something wrong if you don’t want to have children? We say, No! And here’s why.

You’re Not Going Against Nature

It’s true that the female body is designed for reproduction. A woman’s uterus and other reproductive parts are all designed for babies. A woman’s breasts are meant to feed the baby, and a woman’s brain chemistry helps her to multitask, care, connect and nurture her child.

But that doesn’t mean that you, as a woman, are bound by fate to carry children and be a mother. In fact, you can have a uterus and never procreate with it, and that’s perfectly okay.

You’re Not Selfish For Not Having Children

Women can receive a lot of judgement, criticism and flat out hate from other women when they share their decision to not have children. Why do childless women get treated this way?

One reason is that people see them as selfish. To some people, it seems self-centered to waltz through life without having children, along with the responsibility that comes with them.

It’s almost as if these people say, “It’s not fair that you get to sleep in on the weekends, enjoy spontaneous getaways, and build your career without any children in tow.”

The truth is though, it’s perfectly fair. As a modern woman, you can choose how you want to spend your precious time, and if raising a family isn’t how you want to live, then it’s better you don’t live that way!

All Mothers Are Women But Not All Women Are Mothers

Yes, it’s true. Men and women’s brains are wired differently. Women’s brains are designed in such a way that they can nurture, care for and tend to their children. It’s also true that women’s physical bodies are designed differently than their male counterparts.

But these biological and chemical differences shouldn’t dictate how any woman lives her life today.

Sure, women have children because their bodies have the potential to bear children, but is that a good enough reason to become a mother?

You Don’t Have a Genetic Glitch

More and more women are making the free choice to enjoy life (even married life) without introducing children into it.

Unfortunately, these ladies are met with resistance and are told that there must be something wrong with them genetically. Women, after all, have an instinct to procreate.

But do they?

In the book, Instinct, we learn that “to qualify as an instinct, the behavior should be automatic, irresistible, triggered by something in the environment, occur at some particular time during development, require no training, be unmodifiable and occur in all individuals of a species.”

The conception of a baby can happen without any training for a woman. But that doesn’t mean women walk around with an irresistible and automatic urge to have a baby.

You Can Want Sex without Wanting Babies

The natural outcome of sexual activity between a man and a woman (during a woman’s fertile time, that is!) is conception. But just because this is natural outcome of fertile sex, doesn’t mean that sex must always and only mean children.

In our day and age, woman can learn about the Fertility Awareness Method, or how to use other contraceptive measures so that they can enjoy sex with their partner, without introducing a third party.

Your Life Can Have Meaning and Fulfillment Without Children

Some women are told that children bring meaning and fulfillment to an otherwise selfish, empty and egoistic lifestyle. However, nothing can be further from the truth for conscientious and responsible women.

For example, many women find satisfaction and meaning within their relationships, careers, and lifestyle and spiritual choices. They don’t need to fill voids with children, or place undue pressure on innocent kids to fill their otherwise empty lives.

You Value Your Independence and Freedom

As a modern woman, you get to enjoy a challenging and rewarding career. You can also travel freely, as well as purchase your own vehicles and homes. These are wonderful opportunities available to women today. And many women value these material things.

But more importantly, they value the freedom and independence that allows them to reach for the stars and dream big.

But when women give up what they truly value for what society says they should value more, namely children, it’s a recipe for disaster that no housewife wants to deal with.

That’s because when you reject what you value and adopt something that you don’t, you’ll probably deal with a lot of resentment and bitterness. And what will you do with all this resentment and bitterness?

You’ll be angry at yourself, and your little one. And if you’re afraid to express this anger and resentment, you’ll probably bury it deep inside. You do this to fit into society’s idea of a good mother. But this isn’t healthy or responsible.

You Can Be Kid-Friendly Without Having Your Own

If you decide you don’t want to have your own children, people may think you’re cold and unkind. This is unfortunate because chances are, you’re probably a very kind and loving woman. You just know your limits.

For example, you may love being an auntie or a god mother. You might be the best babysitter there is. You might even volunteer or teach kids all day. And even so, you still don’t want children of your own.

There’s nothing wrong with this. If you know that you prefer to come home to just you, or your partner, or your cat, that’s fine! If you know that you want boundaries between the children you interact with and your own personal life, then respect and love yourself enough to keep these boundaries intact.

It’s not fair to you (or your children) to have children if you’re not interested, ready or willing to be their mother. And there’s nothing selfish, unnatural or backwards about that.


Post Author: Sarah Russell

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