The beginning of a relationship is a very exciting time, and it’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind romance. You even throw caution to the wind and just want to have fun.
But before you invest too much, it’s important to figure out if your relationship has a future or not. And to help you decide if your relationship is worth pursuing, here are 9 key factors to think about.
1. You have the same values and beliefs
No two people are always going to agree on everything. But it’s important that you both share the same values and beliefs. Otherwise, you will find yourself butting heads when it comes to major life topics, including religion, politics, education, etc.
What’s more, if you have similar values and beliefs, it’s easier to support each other and live in harmony. Because then, as the old saying goes, you’re both on “the same page.”
2. You can argue
Even if you share the same faith, spirituality, political party or idealistic views, you will argue. And that’s actually a very good thing. It’s important that a couple challenges each other and pushes each other to develop and grow.
But if your partner always agrees with you, or doesn’t give you a healthy intellectual debate, you might not grow as a person. And what’s worse, you might stay stuck in certain opinions or beliefs that aren’t serving you anymore.
3. You enjoy spending time together
This one seems kind of obvious, but the truth is, you have to enjoy spending time together. If you don’t, why are you with him? Is it for social status, financial gain, or to avoid being lonely?
The truth is, if you don’t enjoy spending time with him, it will be harder and harder to hide that.
Now, you don’t have to spend all day, every day with him. And taking a break from someone is essential from time to time. But be sure that you really feel good when you’re together – no matter what you’re doing.
4. You have common interests
What brought you both together in the first place? Was it a mutual interest or a pastime? These days, it's pretty common to meet people through mutual acquaintances. So, shared friends may have brought you together, rather than shared interests.
Nonetheless, figuring out if you’re both into the same things is a good way to decide if your relationship has a future. That’s because if you’re into the same things, it will be easier to spend time together and to create a future together.
Otherwise, you will inevitably feel pulled in one direction, and he in another, and after a while, that can create a lot of tension, resentment, and unhappiness.
Of course, it’s important to continue cultivating and pursuing your own personal interests, even if he doesn’t share them. That’s because it’s important to nourish your needs and do what lights you up. It’s more attractive anyways.
5. You can be yourself
If you find that you can totally be yourself with him, that’s a sure sign that you have a future together. But if you feel like you have to change who you are, or you have to censor parts of yourself because he might not like them, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it?
Who you are is good enough, and instead of changing that, always stay true to yourself and find someone who will let you, and love you for it.
6. Your relationship is more than just sex
Do you have great sex, but only great sex? That can be fun for a little while, but it’s not what long-lasting relationships are made of.
So, if you’re only spending time together at night, and never do day-dates, this might be a red flag. It’s important that you can enjoy each other’s company, even when steamy sex isn’t involved.
That being said, a healthy, sexual intimacy is important, but just make sure it’s part of a balanced relationship.
7. He is happy to introduce you to family and friends
Does he keep you a secret? Do you know his family and friends – or at least, some of them? If you answered “Yes” and then, “No”, this is a big warning sign.
He doesn’t have to showcase you after the first date, but if he doesn’t want to make his relationship with you public, that could indicate that he’s not interested in committing to you in the long run.
So, if it’s been a little while and it feels like he’s keeping you separate from the rest of his life, this relationship might not have much of a future.
8. He makes you feel safe
How does he make you feel? Of course, it’s wonderful if a guy can make you laugh, or make you feel sexy. But does he make you feel safe? This doesn’t just apply to physical safety, but emotional safety, too.
For example, is it safe to open up to him and be vulnerable? Do you feel like he respects your emotions, or does he mock and tease you – even in front of his friends? Do you feel cherished and valued during sexual intimacy?
If so, these are all happy indications that he values you, and that can mean a future for you and him.
9. You and he admit when you’re wrong
No matter what the relationship is, it’s always difficult to admit that you’re wrong. That’s because it’s threatening and downright scary to admit when you’ve messed up, or mixed up your facts.
But being able to admit that you’re wrong (and vice versa) is a wonderful characteristic that can prevent a lot of ego-battles and also leave you and him with a much more peaceful and calm relationship.
Finally, it’s important to remember that once you or he admits that you’re wrong, you must move on. There’s nothing worse than using someone’s past mistake as ammunition against them in the future.
So, even though it’s important to admit you’re wrong, it’s also important to let this wrong-doing go and move on.