For a long time, bondage, and BDSM, in general, has been a taboo. Many people struggle to see it as a healthy, sexual practice. Yet, bondage is so flippin’ exciting. But is there something wrong with people who like to be tied up in hot, hungry sex?
Absolutely not. And if you want to dip your toes into some kinky sexual fetishes and bondage, you should.
BDSM and bondage aren’t pathological problems
For a long time, people have thought that BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) are sexual activities that stem from pathological problems.
In other words, if you’re into BDSM, there’s something wrong with you, and it comes out in twisted sexual activities.
But that’s simply not the case. In fact, a 2013 study found that couples who practice consensual BDSM are actually better off than other people. They’re more secure in their relationships, they experience less anxiety and they have overall better communication with their partners. What’s more, they were better functioning in society, too.
The only time BDSM is bad is when it’s non-consensual and it causes harm to the individual(s) – that goes for physical, emotional and psychological harm.
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Can bondage change your state of consciousness?
Not only is BDSM, and bondage, not pathological, but new research is saying that it might even be a meditative experience and help individuals reach a different state of consciousness.
Say what?
Yes, it’s a paradox that people want to receive pain in moments of intense pleasure, but here’s what the science says about it.
Researchers have found that individuals who take part in sadomasochistic experiences have a lower function in the part of the brain that is associated with high-level functions, like executive control, memory and decision making.
When people experience pain in sex, blood flow to these regions slows down, placing the individual into an altered state of consciousness.
Is bondage like meditation?
Another study observed individuals in a kink community. These people received piercings, which were then pulled taut. Yes, it caused pain and increased their stress hormone, cortisol.
But strangely, these individuals also felt less stress and more connection. Why? It’s thought that during these intensely painful experiences, blood flow to a certain area of the brain decreases. This brain region is linked with you being able to distinguish yourself from other people.
When blood flow slows to this region, you experience a greater sense of connection and oneness with others. That’s what happened to people in these painful, sexual encounters.
What bondage is not
Yes, the research shows that consensual and painful sexual activities can alter your state of mind and make you feel good. But it still might be hard to wrap your head around bondage.
One reason for this might be that there’s still a lot of myths and misconceptions, not only about bondage but about BDSM in general. Sure, after Fifty Shades of Grey, kink is certainly popular, but it’s still misunderstood.
First of all, bondage doesn’t equal physical violence. Yes, there may be dominant and submissive sex, but both individuals should have the intention to bring pleasure to their partner. Yes, one partner may be the dominant one, but that only happens if the other person agrees to be submissive.
This brings us to our next point. Bondage definitely taps into the sexual dynamic of dominance and submission. But it must always be consensual. And even if the dominant partner commands, the submissive partner never does anything that makes them feel threatened or abused.
In short, the best kind of bondage should happen in couples who have lots of trust and communication between them. Because let’s face it: you wouldn’t want to submit to someone you don’t trust, right?
Finally, bondage isn’t an all-or-nothing, black-or-white situation. We’re often made to believe that bondage has to involve whips, chains, handcuffs, etc. And while these items definitely belong within the BDSM genre, it doesn’t mean you need them in order to engage in BDSM.
How you and your partner explore bondage should depend entirely on you and your relationship. What are your boundaries? What are you comfortable with? What is your partner comfortable with?
Some guys don’t feel right inflicting pain and having rough sex with their partners, and it’s important to not force someone to engage in any sexual behavior they’re not yet comfortable with.
You want to try bondage: now what?
If you’re curious about bondage, don’t be shy. Yes, there’s a lot of shame surrounding this type of sex, but there shouldn’t be. And once you explore it on your own, you get to decide if it’s okay for you, or not.
It might be confusing knowing where to start, so think about these tips and suggestions as you start to explore bondage:
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Nothing can be more important than talking to your partner about your sexual desires and fantasies. Start slow and see how receptive he or she is.
Talking it out can also help you get to know your own sexual limits, which is something you definitely want to do before trying bondage.
Props
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If you want to get the whips and handcuffs, go at it. But remember, these aren’t necessary to experience some tantalizing, mind-altering bondage. If you have sheets, scarfs or pillowcases, these work, too.
Just remember that both you and your partner should know how to safely bind and tie to prevent injury.
Hot bondage sex positions
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What about good beginner positions for bondage sex? To start, consider just being blindfolded. Or, you can try the spread eagle position while laying down on the bed, and letting your partner tie your wrists to the bed’s headboard.
You can also find a seat and allow your partner to tie your hands and ankles to the seat. A more complicated rope bondage move is to kneel with your face to the floor. Allow your partner to tie your wrists to your ankles. How you choose to proceed from here is entirely up to you two.
If you’d like a standing position, consider having your wrists tied up above you – maybe on a high door hook, the shower rod or something else at home. One nice thing about having your arms held up overhead is that the long side of your body is exposed to touching, kissing, scratching, etc.
Bondage sex can be incredibly exciting. If it’s something you want to try, do your research and talk to your partner about it. It can transform your vanilla sex life into something far more fulfilling and exhilarating.
