The #MeToo movement is helping countless women speak out against sexual abuse and the power dynamics involved with it. So, it might seem wrong to encourage women to have submissive sex. After all, won’t this make matters worse for women?
Turns out that playing with power during sex is actually very empowering and something you should try – at least once!
Dominant and submissive power dynamics
The idea of power dynamics in sexual interactions might not seem like it relates to you.
But if you take a closer look at your current relationship, there are definite power dynamics at play. And there are either submissive partners or dominant partners when it comes to sex. Which one are you? How about your partner?
Couples can be made up of one submissive and one dominant partner. Or, two submissive partners, or two dominant partners. But in general, one person is the dominant sexual partner and the other is submissive.
Partners who perform the dominant role usually take the lead during sex. So, they initiate, guide, suggest, and are generally more assertive than their partner. On the other hand, submissive partners like to follow the lead and respond to their partner.
It’s important to remember that just because you or your partner are dominant (or submissive) in the bedroom, doesn’t mean you play those roles in the rest of your relationship – or in all areas of the relationship. And usually, you’ll find that these power dynamics just occur naturally once you’re under the sheets.
So, how do these natural power dynamics fit into submissive sex?
What is submissive sex?
Submissive sex takes the natural power dynamics of dominant and submissive sex partners and places a hyper-focus on them.
So, for example, if you’re usually the submissive type, you can actually switch and take on the dominant role. Or, if you’re usually the dominant type, you can really step into your role and play out your fantasies.
In short, with submissive sex, someone holds the power and gets to command the other partner. And while you might not like that sort of thing outside of the bedroom, it can be a major turn on for both people during sex.
Why submissive sex is hot
According to Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., women experience a paradox within their sexuality. He explains that “All of us appear to possess subcortical circuits for sexual dominance as well as submission.”
Therefore, even though women (and men) are capable of switching between roles, Seltzer and other researchers have found that there’s a “very complex relationship with [a woman’s] desire to be dominant or submissive.”
All this to say that if you desire to be either submissive or dominant, you should explore this. Not only is it something biologically part of the human psyche, but it’s also something that can be very exciting to explore with your partner.
How to keep submissive sex safe and pleasurable
It’s super important to keep in mind that not all submissive sex is made equal. After all, when one partner abuses power dynamics and takes advantage of the other person, psychological, physical and emotional harm can occur.
Therefore, it’s crucial that submissive sex be consensual and something that both partners want.
What’s more, if you already enjoy a loving and trusting relationship, it can be very arousing and satisfying.
How submissive sex can empower your femininity
If submissive sex is new territory for you, it might be hard to imagine why it’s empowering for women. But here are five reasons why playing with power dynamics can supercharge your femininity.
Submissive sex allows you to explore your entire personality
Each person is very complex, but we usually express one side of ourselves. With submissive sex, you get to tap into other areas of your personality within a safe and intimate setting.
And since submissive sex is so different from how you normally behave in everyday life, it can really enrich your experience as a woman.
Submissive sex makes you fearless
Whether you decide to be the dominant or submissive partner, this type of sex can help you overcome your fear of judgment and rejection.
And there’s nothing more empowering than a fearless woman in bed.
Submissive sex takes the guilt and shame out of sex
Even though we’re encouraged to have lots of great sex, women often feel ashamed and embarrassed about sex.
But when you try submissive sex with someone you trust, it gives you and your sexual fantasies a safe place where there’s no guilt or shame.
Instead, you both bring a lot of curiosity and openness to your sexual intimacy and that can create some pretty hot and empowering experiences.
Submissive sex helps you let go of power
If you’re a Type A personality, or experience a lot of anxiety, or like to be in control, submissive sex can actually be extremely satisfying. Why? Because for once, you get to hand over the reigns to someone else and just enjoy.
In fact, submissive sex can give you psychological relief. The same can be true for men if they take on the submissive role.
Submissive sex makes you irresistible
There’s an interesting paradox when it comes to submissive sex. On the one hand, if you’re in the submissive role, it might seem like you have no control – and to a certain degree, that’s true.
But the truth is, being submissive gives you a lot of power. According to Seltzer, when women want to be submissive, it may be driven by a desire to be irresistible. In short, women want a man to not be able to control himself when it comes to sexual activities.
And as long as there are some limitations, along with mutual respect and consensual agreement, submissive sex actually feels like a type of empowerment for lots of women because their allure actually makes a man lose control.
Submissive sex may conjure up a whole list of negative and forbidden connotations. But if you decide to try it with your partner, it can actually open up a whole new world of intimacy that actually feels very empowering.