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How Can You Be Sure the Person You’re Going to Marry Is “The One”?

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It would be nice if there was one fail-proof test to show you’re going to marry the right person. But the truth is, there isn’t.

However, there are some pretty good ways to figure out if he is “the one”. So, before you tie the knot, see if any of these eight tips ring true. If they do, you can say, “I do.”

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before -- and After -- You Marry
Zondervan; Hardcover Book; Parrott, Les (Author); English (Publication Language); 208 Pages - 10/27/2015 (Publication Date) - Zondervan (Publisher)
−$6.70 $18.29
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Gottman PhD, John (Author); English (Publication Language); 320 Pages - 05/05/2015 (Publication Date) - Harmony (Publisher)
−$6.20 $10.79

You grow into a better person thanks to your partner

Some people bring out the best in us. Others, not so much. How does it work with your partner? If he helps you grow into the best version of yourself than he’s a keeper.

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Of course, no one should change another person, but we are definitely influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. And if he makes a positive impact on you, along with your mindset and personal decisions, that’s a good sign that he might be “the one.”

You like each other. A lot

This might seem super redundant and obvious, but do you really like your partner? Or, are you caught up in an idea you have of him? Are you attracted to his status, salary or life situation?

The truth is, those things can and may change throughout your marriage, but he will stay the same. So, it’s incredibly important that you like him exactly as he is.

You make the free choice to be with him

Sometimes, people fall into relationships and just stay in them, whether they’re growing and happy, or not. Or, sometimes, people are afraid to be alone, so they stay with their partner.

Finally, if you’ve changed so much for your partner, you might not know how to be your own individual without him. And if you’re staying with him for these reasons, it won’t be good.

That’s because it creates a relationship based on dependency, and that will stifle both you and him.

But, if you are making the free choice to be with him because that’s what you want, that’s a much better decision. It comes from an empowered, grounded place. A place that says, “I don’t need you, but I want you.”

Your goals and values are the same

Every relationship, including marriage, goes through ups and downs. And you will inevitably grow and evolve through life – yes, even when you’re married. But it’s important that you both share the same goals and values.

For example, if he’s not very religious, but your faith is really important to you and informs a lot of your decisions, this can cause arguments and turmoil down the road.

Or, if both of you are not members of the same political party, this can be a cause for strife, too. This isn’t because labels matter, but because of the values and beliefs that certain parties espouse.

What about goals? If your goal is to have kids, and his isn’t, he might not be “the one” for you. What if you dream of living in the city, but he prefers the countryside. Or, mountains versus beaches? These can make it difficult to forge a life of harmony together.

Take the backpack test

Richard Muller, a physics professor, and author of Now: The Physics of Time weighed in on how to know if you’re marrying the right person. His suggestion is to take the backpack test.

And yes, it boils down to backpacking with your fiancé for a week or two. If you’re not into camping through the wilderness, you could take a road trip, too. The point is to put yourselves in a challenging situation to see how you both react and interact with each other.

It’s easy to enjoy each other’s company when you’re out on fun dates. But what happens when the unexpected happens? Do you support each other? Encourage each other? Forgive each other? Resolve conflict together? And ultimately laugh at your mistakes and move on?

The backpack test is a great way to see how you both behave under stress and when things go out of your control. Because that’s how life is, and if you can survive this, it’s a good indicator that you can also survive the challenges of marriage.

You can be yourself with him

This isn’t a grueling 10-day backpacking trip. But it’s just as important. Can you be yourself when you’re around him, or does it feel like you’re censoring yourself or holding yourself back?

It might be hard to tell if you spend lots of time with him, or if you live together. But see how you feel with your best friends compared to him. Do you feel equally open, free and uninhibited? If so, that’s a great sign. If not, this might be a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

Sure, you can adjust yourself for a short time period. But in the long run, it can be very damaging to your individuality and personal identity.

Do you love each other unconditionally?

No one is perfect, and if you’ve been with your partner long enough, you know this truth only too well. But it’s not someone’s imperfections that matter all that much. What matters is how you both deal with these flaws.

Do you only give and show love when he acts “perfectly”, pleases you, and makes you feel fulfilled? Or, do you love him even when he messes up, annoys you and even lets you down.

If you deal with mental illness, social anxiety or emotional blocks, is he there for you, even if he doesn’t always relate or understand? Having a partner who loves and respects you unconditionally, even when you’re not some romantic ideal, can be a  sure sign that you’re marrying the right person.

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before -- and After -- You Marry
Zondervan; Hardcover Book; Parrott, Les (Author); English (Publication Language); 208 Pages - 10/27/2015 (Publication Date) - Zondervan (Publisher)
−$6.70 $18.29
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Gottman PhD, John (Author); English (Publication Language); 320 Pages - 05/05/2015 (Publication Date) - Harmony (Publisher)
−$6.20 $10.79

He’ll make a great dad

Are you both planning to have kids someday? Don’t worry if right now, he seems a bit squeamish when it comes to changing diapers and interacting with kids. That can be normal for guys.

But how is he in general? Is he respectful and curious? How does he interact with his own parents, nieces, nephews and any other kids you both have in your life?

When it comes to parenting, we all learn as we go, but how he is now can indicate how he’ll approach parenting with you.

We all want to find “the one”, and these eight tips can help you figure out if your current partner is that very special someone.

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