CONFESSION: “I am in a Sexless Marriage and I Wouldn’t Change a Thing”

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The story is submitted by a reader who wished to stay anonymous. 


Sex is overrated.

And sexless marriage is not something to be feared. Nor is it a “marital issue” that should be blown into huge proportions as it has been done in the media so far.

The countless people saying how they are “unhappily in a marriage without sex” or saying how that’s not what they signed up for, did one stupid mistake: they got married in the first place. They weren’t supposed to marry their partner and no amount of sex can redeem it.

I am in a sexless marriage and we couldn’t be happier. Our “sexless” marriage involves some sexual activities perhaps every 6 months if we feel like it. It might be more or less, but in most cases, we have no clue when it happened. We often happen to read about those same countless stories and laugh because we try to figure out when we had our last intercourse. We honestly can’t remember.

Maybe it was a year or more. Who knows.

It has now been at least 6 months from our last time. Our bond is stronger than ever. We’re best friends, the epitome of what one would call a “cheesy” stereotypical rom-com couple. We’ve always been this way. We finish each other’s sentences and thoughts, we’re in perfect sync. We work together from home office and we are together so much that most couples would puke. We are together literally at least 20 hours every day. Every day, every week, every month.

We only wish days would last longer, so we could spend even more time together.

Yes, we are a cheesy rom-com couple.

We are intimate every day – we hug and we hug a lot. Every now and then we take a break from work and we hug. Just like that. We hug long and just feel each other’s presence.

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But we are just too busy and too lazy for sex. We don’t see the point. We are intimate enough without it, we touch each other every single day and hug more in a single day than most couples do in a month. We are so close that one step further and we could be duck-taped together. So why would we need sex?

Most claim that sex helps to bond couples and share intimacy, but we do that without throwing our clothes off. We enjoy sex completely and it couldn’t get any better in that department either, but we don’t have any urge to do it.

We are happy, loving, caring and intimate without sex. If intercourse should happen at some point, then sure, why not. If there happens to be such moment, then it will happen naturally, just as it should be. If it happens, it’s passionate, sensual and spontaneous. Not planned, not something that must fit into the schedule and something that “must” happen regularly.

Why should it make your marriage any less high quality or your relationship not so meaningful if you don’t rub your naked bodies together? Sex is overrated and no relationship should be valued based on the regularity of sexual intercourse. If it’s something you need to worry about, you should ask yourself another question instead: why are you worried about not having intimacy without sex?

Is sex really the only intimacy between you? Sex won’t make your love stronger. It will make your urges stronger. That’s not love, that’s animalistic instinct. Sex won’t fix your relationship.

If your relationship is strong and you love each other truly, you don’t need sex at all. If you do, there’s time to face the music: you are not together with the right person.


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