Sex is everywhere. It’s the leading theme in pop culture and countless advertising campaigns. If you like sex, this overexposure probably won’t bother you too much. But if you don’t like sex, you probably feel overwhelmed, insecure and feel like there’s something wrong with you.
You’re not weird, nor are you alone for not liking sex. In fact, about 24 million women in America aren’t crazy about sex, according to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
And there are probably some very good reasons why you’re not interested in sex. Here are just some viable causes for your disinterest.
Birth control and Oral contraceptives
Maybe the biggest reason why contraceptives are so effective is because they keep you from wanting sex in the first place. They help to ensure safe sex, but they can kill your libido, too.
This can be incredibly frustrating for many women. If you suspect this as the explanation for why you don’t like sex anymore, talk to your medical care provider to find a better contraceptive plan.
The National Institute of Mental Health reports that approximately 19 million Americans experience depression. What’s more 10 to 25% of American women suffer with depression at one time or another.
This depression, whether chronic or short term, can definitely put a damper on your sex life. And even though you may desperately want your sexual appetite back, try to first heal your mental health.
Then, you can restore your passion, too.
Negative Sexual Experiences
Your past experiences don’t stay buried in the past. They continue to influence your beliefs, feelings and perceptions. If you’ve had negative sexual experiences, like abuse, rape, or harassment, you may not be able to enjoy sex – even within a loving relationship.
If you’ve suffered from sexual trauma, be especially loving and compassionate to yourself as you seek the guidance of a professional counselor.
Asexuality can be defined as not having an interest in sexual activities with either gender. This disinterest is separate from religious or moral motives. Scientists are still researching asexuality, and they’re not sure if they can define it as a sexual orientation yet or not.
Perhaps another category is better suited for it. Either way, asexuality can lead to a natural aversion to sex among some individuals.
Without adequate sleep, it’s hard to want to do anything fun, let alone get intimate at the end of a long day. And having sex, while you’re exhausted, will only lead to negative experiences you’ll resent later.
Try to make sleep a priority, because when your body is well-rested, you won’t just want to have sex. You’ll have better sex, too.
If you’re a mother, your body has probably changed from what it used to look and feel like. Maybe you want to hide this from your partner. If you’ve gained or lost weight, you might not love your physical body as much. And even though you feel this shame or embarrassment silently, it will be loud and clear in the bedroom.
Unfortunately, your partner may misunderstand your reticence and take your sexual indifference personally.
So, try to actively love and cherish your body exactly as it is, and make active, healthy steps toward improving it. This will help you feel more confident and excited about making love again.
Maybe you’ve always thought you were heterosexual. But now you’re just not digging the sex that’s supposed to be so appealing. Have you ever considered that you’re just trying to be intimate with someone of the wrong gender?
For some, this can be a big pill to swallow, and something they’re not quite ready to face. If you think this might be your situation, try to be honest with yourself while you discover your own sexual orientation.
Most women are way too stressed out. This means that their stress hormone, cortisol, is always too high. Other hormones are often imbalanced too, such as estrogen, testosterone and thyroid. And when a woman’s hormones are either too low or too high, she will have a disinterest, or even a strong aversion to sex.
This can occur during the first trimester of a woman’s pregnancy, or shortly after giving birth. During a woman’s menstrual cycle, she will also experience times when she is very interested in sex, and other times when she’s fine without it. These are all natural ebbs and flows of hormones.
Are you using medications frequently, especially antidepressants, drugs for anxiety, steroids, treatment for blood pressure, and antibiotics? These are only some of the types of medications that can interfere with your libido. Your doctor and you probably chose these prescriptions because they are necessary for your overall health and wellbeing.
But if they’re interfering with your sex life, you might consider discussing alternative options with your doctor.
You Don’t Feel Connected
For many women, it’s hard to have sex right off the bat. Instead, they need to feel connected, appreciated, valued and listened to. So, if your partner wants to transition from the television to the bedroom without anything in between, try to communicate that you need more connection before you can get intimate.
Maybe this means taking time to talk to each other. Maybe it means spending quality time together. Find what you need in your relationship to feel connected. This can help you feel more interested in making love with your partner.
Too Much Stress
Stress impacts almost every single woman in America. This is especially true for working moms, who juggle so many things each and every day. And while you can’t avoid these inevitable stress triggers, you can create coping mechanisms that will help decrease your stress and help you feel calmer and quieter inside.
For example, you can spend time doing physical activities to increase your heart rate. This can mean aerobic exercise, Pilates, etc. Getting the blood pumping means you’ll have an easier time getting turned on. You can also make time for meditation, journaling and relaxation. This will help your body open itself up to sex again.
You might not want to have sex and that’s okay. As you can see, there are many potential causes for your sexual disinterest. Try to be patient, compassionate and honest with yourself as you come to understand and address this.