Society places a lot of value in sex. And to have a successful marriage, it seems that sex is a no-brainer. But what if you’re in a sexless marriage, does that mean your marriage failed? Is there something wrong with you and/or your partner.
The answer is a plain and simple, “No!” You don’t have to feel bad about your relationship, especially if you’re both happy the way it is.
And to prove that point, here are 11 reasons why a sexless marriage can actually be a positive relationship.
1. Frequent Sex Might Be a Façade
You might be under the misconception that every other married couple is rolling in the hay every week.
But the truth is, there are many couples who don’t have sex very frequently, if at all. It’s just that there’s a big taboo surrounding it and nobody wants to talk about it.
Having a sexless marriage is seen by society as both shameful and wrong.
But don’t be fooled. Not everyone is getting frisky on the regular. Chances are, you’re just one of the 40 million US residents who live in a sexless marriage.
2. You and Your Spouse Are Best Friends
As strange as it might seem to our sex-centric society, some couples are so in love that sex isn’t the be-all-end-all of a happy and fulfilling relationship.
This happy couple stayed together for twenty years sans sex and for them, it was a match made in heaven. This works for some people, and if you and your spouse are happy without sex, so be it.
3. You Enjoy Your Time Together Without the Sex
Physical intimacy makes up only one part of a healthy, functioning relationship. What else does a good marriage need? Love, trust, common interests, mutual respect and so much more.
These requisites run so much deeper than physical intimacy, which is basically icing on the cake.
4. Life is Just More Pleasurable Without Painful Sex
For some women, sex is agony instead of ecstasy thanks to conditions like vaginismus or vestibulitis. And having sex, when you’re in so much pain can make you feel like a slave, resentful, hopeless and devalued.
Where there is love and respect, it’s okay to hold off on sex if it’s not a joyful and pleasurable experience for your partner.
5. Shifting Hormones Play with Your Libido
After a woman gives birth, her hormones tend to shift a lot. This is what leads to postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and a libido that just goes on hold for a while.
In most cases, a woman’s hormones return to a normal, balanced state.
But for some women, they truly lose their libido and their sex drive is basically MIA. Instead of forcing yourself to have sex just because you’re “supposed to”, it can be healthier to enjoy intimacy without the sex.
6. Stress and Fatigue Make Sex Unappealing
You and your partner may experience chronic stress thanks to your careers. You may also have children, parents, and pets to take care of. Let’s face it, at the end of the day, neither one of you are very keen on sex.
And that’s not because you aren’t attracted or interested in one another. Rather, it’s because you’ve both just spent yet another day, working to support your lifestyle and family.
Stress and fatigue can put a damper on your libido. What’s more, trying to force your way through sex when you’re stressed out, burnt out and distracted can only make you more stressed.
In the end, it’s a lose-lose situation for both parties. Why not go with a massage, an enjoyable movie, or simply enjoy each other’s company?
7. Mental Illness Prevents You (or your partner) from Enjoying Sexual Intimacy
Certain psychological problems can interfere with a person’s sex drive. Depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders can complicate things for married couples.
One of the beautiful things about marriage is that the couples are committed to each other through thick and thin, and through hell or high water.
Not being able to have sex doesn’t make you any less important, valuable or lovable, and sexless marriages can prove that.
8. Sex Was Never a Big Priority for Your Marriage
Though the majority of marriages happen because people are attracted to each other and fall in love, this isn’t the only reason why couples end up in a committed relationship.
If that’s the case for you, it’s important that both of you feel fulfilled without (frequent) sex and don’t begrudge one another for the lack of physical intimacy.
9. Sex Leaves You Feeling Unfulfilled
After having sex with your partner, you might not be getting your sexual needs met. Instead of looking to your spouse for this fulfillment, you may choose to satisfy your intimacy needs privately.
Some couples choose this route and as long as it’s something you’re both okay with, don’t worry about social expectations, taboos are public shaming.
Everyone is different and knowing your needs, and knowing how to fulfill them is key to a well-lived life.
10. Birth Control Can Affect a Woman’s Libido
You may love your husband very much, but the pill can negatively impact your natural sex drive. And sometimes you’re just not in the mood for sex.
As long as your partner understands this, and that you’re not rejecting him, you can definitely find ways to give and receive love even if there isn’t much sex involved.
11. Sex Isn’t the Only Intimate Thing to Do
Cuddling, conversing, confiding, touching, trusting, dry humping and sharing are all ways to grow in love and intimacy without going all the way.
It might sound lame, anti-climatic and like a cheap cop out, but the truth is, 40 million Americans are in a sexless marriage but are making it work. Perhaps sex isn’t all there is to a happy, thriving relationship after all.
No matter how much or how little sex you have with your spouse, the important thing is to do what makes your marriage thrive.
Try not to be pressured by societal expectations. Instead, find what works so that your marriage is full of fulfillment, trust, and love, even if there isn’t much sex.