Sexual intimacy is vitally important for a healthy marriage. That’s because it’s the one thing that sets your relationship apart from every other friendship in life. Without good quality sex, you and your spouse can easily feel alone, confused, resentful and bitter. This can lead to moments of infidelity, or much worse, divorce.
So, even though married life is full and oftentimes, a bit hectic, it’s important to have quality sex in your relationship.
Good Sex Is Healthy for You
Michael Roizon, a gerontologist from the University of Chicago, has studied sex and its connection to longevity. He’s found that having sex just twice weekly can help you feel a whopping two years younger.
Having daily sex can make men feel up to eight years younger in some cases. Plus, it supports a healthy respiratory system and heart, reduces stress and strengthen muscles.
This 2004 study from England discovered that the more sex you have, the happier you’ll feel. This research is further backed by another study from the same year. It found that sex made women feel happier than any other activity.
Women also improve their health with frequent, good quality sex. It can decrease the risk of heart attack by half, strengthen immunity, increase feelings of youthfulness and support strong mental health.
Why Married Couples Aren’t Having Quality Sex
So, if good quality sex is so important to your health and marriage, why is it so hard to have it? Here are some common reasons why you and your spouse aren’t enjoying better sex on the regular.
Hidden Emotional Blocks
You might have negative and limiting beliefs about yourself and sex. What’s more, you probably don’t even know these beliefs are hiding in your subconscious mind.
These deeply held ideas can influence the choices you make when it comes to sexuality, intimacy and trust. If you have a hard time being open, letting go and being vulnerable, you’re probably trapped by your own unconscious beliefs.
That’s why it’s so important for each person to do their own inner work before good quality sex can occur. When you become the best version of yourself, your healing and wholeness improves the quality of your sex life. You can heal by meeting with a counselor, doing EFT or hypnosis, and working to release old pain and trauma.
Usually, men complain that they don’t get enough sex in their marriage. And without sex, it’s hard for them to feel close to their wives.
Ladies, on the other hand, don’t understand why men can’t just feel close by cuddling, getting cozy and talking about their feelings and experiences with each other.
In many cases, sex is what helps men feel connected and close to their partners. But women usually require a little more emotional support before sex can become a source of intimacy and pleasure. There are simple changes you can make to first improve your relationship. And then, your sex life will naturally improve, too.
Be Proactive Outside the Bedroom
Anyone can have sex. That’s the easy part. But having good quality, meaningful sex requires trust. And lots of it. Without trust, it’s hard to open yourself up to your partner, and not just physically. This is especially true for women.
A woman needs to know that her sexual preferences and needs won’t be met with judgement, rejection and mockery. This kind of trust isn’t something you can magically create in the bedroom. This trust is something you have to cultivate every day in your marriage.
How to Help Your Wife Have Good Sex
For many women, it’s hard to have good sex if they don’t feel honored and respected for who they are. And if women have to buffer consistent negativity from their husbands, it’s a challenge to open up to sexual intimacy. Negativity can look like teasing, criticism and disrespect.
If a woman doesn’t feel safe emotionally safe, she won’t want sex with you.
Kimberly Giles, coach and public speaker, says that women must feel emotionally safe and totally admired, accepted and cherished for every part of who they are before they can give sex as an expression of love.
So, even though women’s emotional needs are often dismissed, that’s exactly what you need to honor and respect if you want to get anywhere with her.
How can you do this?
Honor her feelings, and help with the house and children. By doing these things, she will feel supported, loved and validated.
And if you’re watching pornography, stop! Many women see it as a form of infidelity and a break in your mutual trust. If a woman feels like you cheated on her, she’ll probably withhold sex from you.
How to Help Your Husband Have Good Sex
Women need to be honored and respected for who they are. They need their feelings validated and noticed. But do you want to know what makes a man feel equally important and special?
By noticing and appreciating his actions and efforts.
A guy loves to save the day, to be your hero, and to protect and provide.
So, let him!
And then, acknowledge all of his hard work, and say thank you. Men also want to be wanted.
So, ladies, when you initiate sex and communicate that you want him, you’ll truly rock his world.
Women can also help their husbands have good quality sex by healing their own body image issues, insecurities and fears. None of these issues are attractive assets and they’ll deter him from you. When you learn to love your body like crazy, he’ll want to love you like crazy, too!
Learn to Forgive
Both of you have made mistakes within your marriage. Sure, they’re probably different ones, but they’re still mistakes. So, forgive each other, and make room for second chances. Keeping tabs on each other will always prevent both of you from becoming truly intimate and trusting with each other.
Having good quality sex is a beautiful part within any healthy marriage. It does take commitment and communication, but when you work to develop good quality sex in your relationship, you’ll reap it’s many benefits and grow in love.