Do you hate being a mom? Guess what? You’re not a bad person, and you’re certainly not alone. It’s something a lot of women struggle with, and for some pretty good reasons, too.
But that doesn’t mean if you hate being a mom, there’s nothing you can do about it. There is, and it might make you feel better about your life situation.
You can love your child and hate being a mom
If you don’t like being a mom, it’s not the same as not liking your child. In fact, you can love your child to pieces. But the job of being a mom is challenging. After all, having a child changes everything – including your marriage.
So, if you hate your life as a mom, this doesn’t mean you’re anti-child. It just means the role of motherhood has thrown you for a loop.
Are kids a mistake?
Some moms really do regret having kids, but if you hate being a mom, it doesn’t mean your kids are a mistake. It means being a mom to them is a challenge – and rightfully so.
You’ll never really know how it will be with kids until you have them. Sure, you can see how your friends and family deal with their children, but you won’t know how parenting will be for you until you try it.
But kids are a permanent choice. It’s not like something you can back out of when you realize it’s not fun anymore. Your kids need you, and it’s up to you to be there for them.
Why you hate being a mom
There are so many reasons why women don’t like their position as “mom.” As you’ll see, these reasons are all pretty reasonable and understandable.
Problem #1: Your marriage has changed
The truth is, once kids arrive, your marriage changes. It can take some time adjusting to the addition of children into your family. Before, it was just the two of you. You and your partner’s relationship will go through ups and downs, dry spells and lots of challenges.
Problem #2: They always need you
Your kids need you – and not just for food, drink, clothing, and shelter. They need you to learn how to become a kind, mature and well-developed adult.
This takes work. Lots of it.
You have to discipline them, and address fights, emotional upsets, school performance, friend problems – everything and anything. Your kids need you to help them navigate life.
Problem #3: You miss your pre-child life
Yes, your child is a beautiful miracle, but they’re also the reason why you’ve had to take time off from work, find a new career, drift away from former friends, change your weekend plans and switch up how you do vacations.
Your life has to adjust to kids and this can be a hard – and sometimes, unwelcome – adjustment. And to be honest, there’s nothing wrong with missing a Saturday night with friends – especially when you’re holding a crying, teething baby.
What to do if you hate being a mom
You’re not the only woman who hates being a mom, and as we’ve seen, there are some pretty legitimate reasons for this discontentment.
However, it’s no way to live. So, please consider these tips when you feel like you’re absolutely losing it.
Stop making parenting harder than it has to be
Being a mom is hard enough. And chances are, you’re making it more difficult.
By comparing your kids to other people’s kids. Or, by trying to make your children fit into a certain mold or projector. Your child is here for a special and unique reason. Instead of pushing her to be someone she’s not, ask yourself how you can allow your daughter’s journey to unfold.
Make yourself a priority
Yes, you have to be there for your kids. Yes, your kids need you. And yes, you’re their one and only mom. But don’t forget about yourself. Your kids are a priority, and so are you.
Don’t ignore important things like self-care, self-fulfillment, and getting help whenever and wherever you need it. No one can read your mind, so you have to communicate to others that you need help, time, space and attention.
P.S., this isn’t selfish.
Don’t let mom sororities drag you down
Sometimes, one of the best ways to survive motherhood is to hang out with other moms. But sometimes, these mom sororities can make you second-guess yourself.
Should enroll your kid in more extracurricular activities? Should you dress your child in more stylish, trendy clothing? Are their toys and accessories as cool and popular as other kids? Are their bedrooms Instagram-worthy?
Comparison is the thief of joy. So, if mom cliques are stealing your joy, try to limit your time with them, or look for other moms who lift you up, rather than bring you down.
Ignore the fear-fueled media and news
Yes, there are lots of bad things out there – things you want to protect your child from for as long as you can. Food, technology, vaccines, violence, bullying and so much more all pose a threat to children today.
The mama bear in you can’t help but feel worried and concerned. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to stay up to date on all the latest news and trying to make sure your child stays safe.
Here’s what you should do: the best you can.
Before you have to make a big decision about your child’s wellbeing, inform yourself of the pros and cons, and then make the best decision you can make. Then, move on with your life.
We can all worry until the end of time, but that won’t help you or your child. Be confident in your own wisdom, intuition, and knowledge.
Give yourself permission to hate being a mom
Because it feels wrong to hate being a mom, you might try to pretend you love it, and that everything’s fine. But if it’s not, it’s better to admit that to yourself, and allow yourself to not like this time.
When you acknowledge the problem, you and your partner, along with the help of friends, families, and counselors (when needed), can help you move through this stage of life.