No one wants to end up with a selfish partner. At least, that’s what we’re taught: don’t be selfish, sacrifice for others, and put everyone else first.
But being selfish is the better route. In fact, it’s the best way to find your perfect husband or partner, and to have a healthy relationship with them for years to come. If you still doubt the beauty of selfishness, keep reading!
It’s Time to Redefine Selfish
Do you think that selfish means being self-centered, self-absorbed, thoughtless, inconsiderate and well, kind of a jerk?
Selfish does have negative connotations, but that’s not the kind of selfishness we’re talking about here. In fact, it’s time to give “selfish” a whole new meaning.
Being selfish is all about loving yourself. It’s not about ignoring other people’s needs, as much as it’s about paying attention to your own. In short, selfish isn’t a bad thing.
And you and your future husband will benefit from you having lots of self-love and self-respect.
Sacrificing Everything for Someone Else is Romantic but It Doesn’t Work in Real Life
Think back to literature’s famous heroes and heroines. They put themselves through the ringer for their loved one. And somehow, this antiquated expectation is still alive today, especially when it comes to women, whether they are single ladies, wives or mothers.
But being a pushover is never attractive!
And even though it might be tempting to sacrifice everything for a man, it will come back to bite you. For one thing, you’ll resent them. And to make matters worse, men don’t like pushovers very much.
In fact, that’s how men lose respect for you, and fast! To find the perfect husband, it’s crucial that you stop being a pushover, a key takeaway in Sherry Argov’s best-selling book, “Why Men Love Bitches.”
That’s why it’s so important, now more than ever to believe in yourself, and to cultivate self-confidence, self-worth, self-respect and self-love.
Now is not the time to make decisions that only accommodate the man in your life. Now, you need to make guilt-free decisions that help you live a good and fulfilled life. You need to set self-preserving boundaries to ensure that your needs and wants are provided for.
Not Being Selfish Leads to Imbalance
Jada Pinkett-Smith equates “selfish” with taking care of yourself first. As she puts it, “when you stop taking care of you, you get out of balance and then you really forget how to take care of yourself.” Taking care of yourself first helps you stay in balance, which then helps you take care of others.
She found that when you’re out of imbalance, you start to put pressure on other people to keep you fulfilled. And they, instead of you, become responsible for your own happiness.
But you have to be responsible for your own happiness. If you’re not, you’ll easily attach yourself to men to make you happy. And maybe they will make you happy for a couple months or even a couple years. But at the end of the day, that’s not fair to them. It’s up to you to cultivate your own inner happiness.
If You’re Not Selfish, You Can Lose Your Own Identify
Stacy D. Phillips, divorce attorney and author of “Divorce: It’s All About Control—How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars”, has seen many couples divorce because one of the two spouses had lost his or her identify in the relationship.
Phillips says that it’s crucial to take time away from your partner. This will help you keep your emotional connection healthy and thriving.
This advice is not only pertinent to married couples, but to single women, too. Take time to get to know yourself very well before you get married. This will be a healthy habit you can carry on into your married relationship.
Keep Your Passions Alive by Being Selfish About Them
After 10 years of being together with someone, will you be able to recognize yourself? Take a moment to ask what it is that you love. What are your passions and interests?
Take time to do the things you love most, and you’ll naturally come across guys who are into the same thing, and who are madly attracted to you. Why? Because you’re happy and in love with your life, and not just waiting for other guys to make your life special.
Your Happiness Depends on Being Happy with Yourself
These are the words of psychologist, Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., and while you can still love others and make others feel special – even if you dislike yourself – this can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, hopelessness and even despair.
But Seltzer believes that if you “fully embrace yourself, your relationships [they will] definitely become more intimate…Then you’d no longer feel compelled to hide your supposedly “unacceptable” qualities. You’d be more able to open yourself up to others.”
So, it’s true. You can have a loving relationship with your husband or partner, even if you don’t love yourself very much. But most, if not all your love will be directed toward him, and not you, and that will lead to imbalance and unhappiness. Plus, if you’re not happy with yourself and don’t love yourself, you’ll place too much pressure on him to provide the love and happiness you need.
Your Energy is Contagious
If you’re happy, men will pick up on your happiness. If you’re angry, resentful, or bitter, they’ll observe that, too. So, take time to do things that make you sparkle. Find the activities, careers, hobbies and people that light you up, and take time to cultivate these passions.
It’s important to not only do this when you’re single and searching, but to continue doing this even after you’ve met your future spouse. This will keep him interested in you, but more importantly, this will keep you interested in yourself!
Being selfish isn’t about being unkind or rude. It’s about being self-full, and being self-full means you’ll be attractive, sexy and irresistible to the perfect guy.