Sex on the First Date: Should You Feel Ashamed? may earn commission when you buy something through the links or banners on this page.

Should you feel bad when your date ends in the bedroom? It all depends on who you ask. And the most important person to ask is you!

What are your ideas about sex, along with your beliefs, intentions, values, and morals?

There has been a big stigma surrounding sex on the first date, but apart from public shaming, do you need to feel bad about it?

We’re going to look at some of the factors surrounding sex on a first date. It will help you figure out where you stand on this topic.

Sex is Intimate. Or Is It?

For some women, sex isn’t just sex. It’s an expression of trust and intimacy. It can be a manifestation of love, respect, and adoration.

And if that’s how you look at sex, you might be putting a lot of pressure on yourself on that first date which might be pretty nerve-wracking anyways. That’s because it might be difficult to develop trust, respect, and love so quickly.

Of course, sex can still happen, but it might not have the psychological and emotional backing that can be so important.

And if you don’t develop friendship and intimacy first, having first-date sex can be awkward, which isn’t fun and probably not a manifestation that you would prefer.

On the other hand, to some, simply wanting sex is a good enough reason to have it. And they just prefer to have sex for the sake of sex.

Sex without love, complications, expectations, commitments, and rules. And having sex on the first date can be a good opportunity to fulfill sexual needs without the depth of a relationship.

Is First-Date Sex Promiscuous?

It depends on age, according to Fredric Neuman, M.D. He argues that if you’re a teenager or a person in your 20’s, it can look promiscuous. The older you get, sex becomes more acceptable and casual.

Some consider early sex promiscuous because it carries the implication that you would easily have sex with anyone without really knowing them. It could look like you don’t value your sexuality.

It can also be a bad choice if you do it against your will or better judgment. You don’t need to validate your relationship with sex.  And you definitely don’t need to look at sex as a currency, with which you purchase a relationship, respect or a call-back.

Some people prefer to wait, build the relationship, and develop confidence, mutual respect and understanding before they engage in sex.

But there are some who believe that women and men should enjoy the same sexual freedoms and that women and men should be able to experience sexual activity without any feeling of guilt, especially if they don’t plan for a certain outcome, like a second date, a follow-up call, or a relationship.

Women are warned to not have sex on the first date because it would lower their value in a man’s estimation. But some women fire back by saying that they should have the liberty to sleep with someone and choose whether they want to be with him, too.

Personal Convictions

Each of us lives according to a set of values and standards. Some of these are influenced by religions and belief systems. If you’re not comfortable with first-date sex, then the best thing to do is nothing.

Societal and peer pressures can be very strong, but in the end, you are in control of your decisions and your body. If you do go against what feels right, you can feel ashamed, and also experience a loss of self-esteem and self-worth. And none of these are very attractive or desirable.

So, take some time to get to know yourself and what you value and why. This can help you decide whether early sex is okay with you, or whether you’ll regret it and beat yourself up about it.

First-date Sex Prevents Future Disappointment

Some people believe that if there’s an attraction and you’re into each other, having sex will only help your relationship, not curb it. What’s more, having sex straight away helps you figure out whether you’re sexually compatible.

And while this can establish whether sexual chemistry is strong, it’s not a reliable test.

Why’s that? Because sex is an activity you do with someone else, and like anything else, it takes practice and commitment to perfect it.

Sex might be amazing the first time, but if it’s not, that doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvement. And if you’re into the person, that’s something you’d be willing to work on over time.

There is a disadvantage to using sex as a measuring stick. If you always use sex on the first date to see if you want to stay with someone, you might need to do this often, if your dates don’t work out.

Love or Sex: What Comes First

Some people think that you need to establish sexual chemistry before you can really fall in love. There can be some truth to that. But others would counter that by saying that if you love someone, the sexual chemistry will inevitably follow.

Sexual attraction can be immediate and undeniable, and in a world of instant gratification, people believe that if they have a sexual attraction they should be able to act on it. If that sits right with your conscious, then hop to it.

However, for others, sexual attraction doesn’t happen like a flash of light. Sometimes, it takes time to grow. And if you believe that if you don’t have a crazy sexual attraction right away, there’s nothing there, you might be writing off a potentially good relationship.

As you can see, having sex on the first date is a highly personal decision. It all boils down to your beliefs and ideas about yourself, sex, relationships, and the other person.

What’s most important is to know why you want to have sex and your expectations surrounding it. While society, family, friends and belief systems will always have their opinion, it’s important to stay true to your own convictions and heart.

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