You're spending time with your partner – or even husband – and things get steamy. You kiss, your heart starts racing and you start touching a little more intimately. He reaches his hand towards your erogenous zones and you find yourself putting a complete brake on the action, pulling away and stopping his hand, sometimes even slapping it.
There's no apparent reason, but you just find yourself removing his hand quicker than he could say “cheese”.
Sound familiar? You might love your partner wholeheartedly, but when it comes to steamy bedroom adventures, you don't feel comfortable or for some reason, you simply try to avoid it at all costs. Sometimes, you even try to come up with a clever excuse, just to get away from possible sexual intercourse.
The good news is, you're not alone in this and even better – it's completely possible to change the situation, start enjoying sex, and rejuvenating both your sexual side and your relationship.
Why are you having the mental blocks on sex
The mental block you're having can also be defined as sexual dysfunction. While you might think your mental block has nothing to do with a sexual disorder, sexual dysfunction is, in fact, a very real problem that a staggering 43 percent of women are struggling with.
The disorder, by its definition, means a problem that prevents people from experiencing satisfaction from sexual activity – that includes the “pre-sex” activity as desire disorder is one part of sexual dysfunction.
Besides lack of desire, sexual dysfunction can also mean issues with arousal, delay or absence of orgasm or even pain during the intercourse.
The reasons for this mental block might not always be mental since a number of physical cause can be tied to sexual dysfunction according to Cleveland Clinic. These physical reasons might be:
- diabetes
- heart and vascular disease
- neurological disorders
- hormonal imbalance
- kidney or liver failure
- alcohol and drug abuse and consumption
- side effects of some medications, including some antidepressants.
Even your diet might hinder your sexual desire – lack of nutrients and a diet high in processed fats, sugars and salts might make your sexual thrive disappear.
However, the bulk of sexual inhibitions do indeed arise from mental blocks – blocks that you can also remove. These are the most common psychological causes of sexual mental blocks:
Concern about your body
When you don't feel good about your body, it's clear that enjoying sex or being naked in the presence of someone else is anything but easy.
This concern about your body translates into sex and inhibits you from having sex or enjoying sex since you just don't want your partner to touch you much, especially the areas of your body that you don't feel comfortable about.
We all have body-image concerns. Some of us don't like our thighs, some of us don't like the soft belly, some might not feel very confident about their boobs.
Your partner, however, doesn't see you that way. To him, your thighs are sexy, your belly is deliciously soft and your boobs are the best stress balls on the planet. To him, you're beautiful exactly as you are and he wants to enjoy every inch of your body.
If he wants to have sex and is aroused by your presence, take that as a compliment – it means that your beauty drives his sexual desire and there's absolutely no reason to feel ashamed of your body. He loves it, so it's about time to love your body yourself too.
Fear of discomfort/not letting yourself go
One of the biggest reasons you might be putting an unexpected halt to the intercourse might be related to fear, especially fear of discomfort or pain.
Sex can be very uncomfortable or even painful for some women, that's no secret. As your mind knows it can expect some physical discomfort, your mind might be inclined to just stop the act before it gets that far – and sometimes that sop might be so quick and automatic you'll just slap your partner when he tries to reach towards your genitals.
This fear might also be related to you just being caught up in your thoughts, inhibiting yourself from being present and therefore, creating a mental barrier.
Michael Aaron, Ph.D., certified sex therapist by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), said that some people might suffer from anxieties that make it tough to be present. “They are caught up in the thoughts in their mind, and their experiences become disembodied as a result,” according to Aaron.
When sexual intercourse is starting, you might even feel the anxiety creeping up and making you feel more stressed, therefore you can't fully enjoy sex.
To make the experience enjoyable, you could try mindfulness practices such as meditation to connect your mind better to the present and remove the mental barriers that keep you from letting yourself enjoy the moment.
Being too occupied with your to-do's
If you find yourself rushing with the sexual intercourse or just plainly avoiding it with excuses or other measures, one possible reason might be related to your busy lifestyle.
We all have hectic lives, running from one place to the other and working back-to-back on our tasks from a seemingly neverending todo list. That's why you might not really be mentally present in the physical act – instead, your mind might be wandering around shopping lists and emails.
The best solution is to just pull yourself away from the daily tasks every once in a while and set some time just for you and your partner.
It doesn't mean that you're scheduling time for sex, instead, it means spending some time together, just the two of you. Go out and have some fun, watch a movie, go walking or camping or do whatever else you enjoy doing together.
If the night leads to sex – why not. But don't take sex itself as a goal. Focus on spending time together to build more intimacy between you and create beautiful memories. By pulling away from the daily mayhem, you'll ease your stress and as a result, sex will also be more enjoyable.
Concern about your sexual performance
Sex can generate a great deal of stress, even during intercourse. Both men and women are often worried about whether they're actually satisfying their partner, to the point of developing sexual performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety is often completely related to your thoughts and perceptions. While disappointing sexual experiences might contribute to the concern, the main issue is truly in your head.
If you're feeling worried or anxious about your bedroom skills and it keeps killing your mood, talk about it openly with your partner. Keeping it to yourself just makes it worse and increases the anxiety.
By discussing the issue with your partner, you can feel liberated and most likely you'll find that even he might have experienced some concerns regarding his performance. Remember, you're not alone in the relationship!
Bad sexual experiences in the past
If you've ever encountered disappointing intercourses or even abuse, it's understandable that any intimacy might be out of option for you. Since your mind is constantly trying to shield you from pain, you might put a stop on possible intercourse just to avoid those past bad sexual experiences occurring again.
While it might be hard, it's essential for both your mental health and sexual life to address those experiences and discuss the situation with your partner.
Not all experiences are the same and, as in life in general, we can encounter both good and bad. However, in the fear of encountering the bad ones, you are just stopping yourself from enjoying life completely.
Overcoming a sexual mental block is not easy, but when you put your mind to it, you can do it, truly. Don't let your mind ruin your sex life – be present in the moment and let things roll without pulling the brake all too quickly.
