I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to make it through life without being in an argument or two. Fighting isn’t fun for anyone, and it can go very bad very quickly if you’re not careful.
When it comes down to it, a fight comes from either a difference in opinion or hurt feelings on one or both sides, and if you want to move past it quickly, these six things you’re doing aren’t going to help.
A passive-aggressive persona is a precursor to some serious rage. So maybe you don’t like confrontation because of how it makes you feel or because of the possibility that you’ll get ripped to shreds.
But in reality, holding your feelings in and leaving unkind hints about what you’d like the other person to do or change isn’t going to address the problem. If needed, work out a plan with them about how you can work through the issue. You may break it up into smaller discussions or take turns to keep your emotions in check.
How many times have you heard a child tell their parent, “They started it!” When you’re focused on who caused the problem instead of figuring out how to fix it, you’re not ready to resolve anything. Blaming someone else can lead to a grudge, and your denial about the situation means you’ll be holding it for a long time.
Trying to Win
If your goal is to win, then the conflict has already begun. When you approach a disagreement with an attitude that you must come out the other side better than the other person, you’re starting a war.
And the other person? Well, they’re going to see a full-on attack and defend their side with everything they have. Soon, you’re both too worried about coming out on top than actually resolving the problem. Leave your battle instinct for your video games instead.
Are you more or less likely to listen to someone when they insult you or talk down to you? Well, surprise! No one else is either. Calling someone names puts them on the defensive and leaves the true issue in the dust.
Bringing in Someone or Something Else
Arguments, in a logical or philosophical arena, require evidence. However, in the middle of a fight, it’s not appropriate to bring up past events that have been resolved or to ask for the opinion of someone not involved.
Your argument should be confined to the people and events directly related to it. In some circumstances, mediation professionals like Worst, Fitzgerald, & Stover Law Offices can be involved, but only if both of you are okay with it.
Saying, “I Told You So”
You’ve made it to the end of the argument and it just needs tying up nicely. DON’T say “I told you so” in those words or any others that convey the same meaning. You’ll have resentment thrown at you and a possible rehashing of the same details.
Your purpose in ending a fight should not be to get credit for coming up with the best idea. So play it cool, focus on ways to reconcile, and forget whose idea it was in the first place.